How To Blow A Toddler’s Mind

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As you may recall from my previous blog post, our house was trying to kill us. We found out when we were kicking off our house remodel. Asbestos, lead in the windows, twins murdered in room 237 and haunting us… you know, typical new house issues.

beforer

Before. You can see our two -year-old Sebby’s artwork on the wall.

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During. The offending death laminate with death glue, death nails and death pattern trying to murder death kill us.

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Minus death tile. And death cabinets, walls, sink, floors, appliances and weight-bearing support beamsWAIT WHAT.

Luckily, the whole remodel was worth it. Hardwood floors throughout, new appliances (like an induction stovetop!) and cabinets, and a new, blank canvas for Seb-err, I mean, new paint.

AfterNow I can start my new blog, Cooking With Flavor. And by flavor, I mean tequila. And by cooking with, I mean drinking. And by blog, I mean drunk.

The remodel touched the entire house. For a week, we packed up everything and left the house while the floors were refinished and stained. We didn’t unpack most things until about a week ago. Which brings us to blowing Sebby’s little toddler mind.

So we are smrt parents. When our kids find that one stuffed animal, toy or blanket that is theirs, we buy a second one. This one we secret away for emergencies. You know, that special blanket getting left at a rest stop two states ago during a road trip. That cherished car getting melted in the fireplace. That stuffed bear which got decapitated in a freak lawnmower incident. Any number of catastrophes can befall that special something every child chooses, so we, as smrt parents, bought a back-up to avert those catastrophes.

Sebby’s item of choice is a gray stuffed bunny, creatively named “BUNNY!” (Yes, it is always screamed with a big smile.) So we have an extra bunny hidden away, just in case.

Well, both bunnies were packed during the remodel. And somehow, during the remodel chaos, both bunnies got unpacked, and both bunnies ended up in the nursery.

One night I’m putting Sebby to bed and preparing to read him and his sister The Book With No Pictures. Sebby screams “BUNNY!” and clutches the furry little guy to his chest.

Then he sees another bunny on the floor.

He does a toddler double take. “Bunny?” He stares at the bunny in his hands, then looks at the identical bunny on the floor. “Bunny?” Then back to the one in his hands. Then back to the one on the floor.

Then he goes apeshit.

“TWO BUNNIES!” He screams, loud enough to wake up the neighborhood, and grabs the second bunny. He holds one in each fist, their bodies dangling by the necks, as he parades around the room triumphantly. “I have TWO BUNNIES!” He yells again, in case somebody in Spanaway didn’t hear him the first time, and holds both in a death grip to his tiny thundering heart.

Well, now you can see why we’re smrt. Somehow we have to get the second bunny away from him without him noticing. Or break down and buy two more bunnies, in case he loses one or both of the ones he’s claimed. And chances are, at some point that rascally little toddler will find the two spares we just got, suddenly have four, and we’ll have our first lesson in exponentials.

At least we’re starting him on maths early. Or on biology. Rabbits do, after all, breed like… well, rabbits.

5 thoughts on “How To Blow A Toddler’s Mind

    • Child actors are terrible to work with. The only sitcom idea I’ve ever had is Supermax! It’s a comedy about the wacky personalities (like Ted Kazinski and the ghost of Timothy McVeigh) at the federal Supermax prison in Colorado. Kind of like Hogan’s Heroes. Really funny.

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  1. Lloyd Dodson

    I love seeing that expression on a child’s face as something amazes them. And the pure, unabashed joy. I don’t think that there is anything that I would trade for those moments.

    We had our first stuffed animal conundrum with our second child.

    Our oldest never really made a fierce attachment to any toys, Lloyd is very mercenary, so when our second came around we weren’t prepared for it. We got Ian a cheap little frog with a heart for Valentine’s and that is the one that he latched onto. It was a few months later that he did so and we realized that we needed to get the back-up frog just in case. But, since it was no longer February it just wasn’t gonna happen.

    So that next year near the end of January I saw it. I happened to be pushing the cart along with Ian in the little basket and there was the frog clone. Less worse for wear of course, but definitely close enough. Once again, I went by my experience with my oldest and decided that I could sneak it by Ian. Lloyd would have never noticed me slipping it under the rest of the items and things would have been fine.

    Ian was having none of it.

    Ian saw through my thinly veiled charade instantly. He shoved the top layer aside, grabbed the imposter and flung it mercilessly from the cart.

    “BAH!”(his all purpose word at this point), he said as he glared defiantly at me.

    I tried putting it further back in the cart where he could not reach. Again with the “BAH!” and the glare, now accompanied by his arm extended and furiously pointing. The classic GTFO stance. I tried a bit more explaining and cajoling, but Ian would not be moved and I realized I had lost.

    Not only had I lost then, but I knew that I would not be able to come back at a later point to smuggle one into the house. It wouldn’t matter, if it went missing for a period of time any new Froggy would be suspect.

    Ian still has Froggy today, some 7 years later. Loved and snuggled, Battered and worn, I am amazed that it has held up. We have had a lot of scares, frantic searches and few return trips that we were lucky to find Froggy. I have always liked to be prepared and organized in whatever I do, but this parenting thing has always had me feelling like I am flying without a net.

    Liked by 1 person

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